Change

The only thing constant in life, is change.
We've all heard this before, but it's always a good reminder when we struggle with the constant changes in life.
I know I struggle with change, but what's strange, is that I mostly love change.
However, changing from something extraordinary (with expectations for life to just get better) back to ordinary has been one of the most difficult challenges I've personally had to go through.
And feeling like it's so difficult, makes me feel weak and selfish, because I know it could be so much worse. but we all face difficulties and trials, and each of us is affected in personal and different ways.
So what I'm saying, is that I've come to realize that I've learned more about myself in the four months that I've been home from Nauvoo, while I thought I was losing myself. It's so interesting to see how certain things affect each of us in specific ways, and it is to help strengthen us and teach us about ourselves, and our relationship with our Savior.

Nauvoo was bliss, perfection, heaven, everything I ever needed. When I came home, I felt on top of the world, like nothing could stop me and there would never be so great a personal challenge I would face because I discovered exactly who I was and what I needed to do to never, ever fail. My perception of who I am has changed since then, but not negatively. I realize more now that I know who I am yes, but there most definitely will be challenges in this world. Even just LIVING in the world, trying to cope with every detail of life while doing your best to keep a firm foundation on the gospel, it can be so incredibly difficult. But it isn't impossible. After all, "If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it."
He bring us to every challenge in our lives, because if He didn't it wasn't part of His plan, and we have no way of getting out of it if it was never part of the plan... He is ALWAYS aware.

The challenges and struggles I've been facing are hard for me to understand. I continually think it is because I miss Nauvoo, where that may be a great part of the case, I forget to notice that my life has changed a great deal since then. Nauvoo was very hard, but I wouldn't have asked for anything more then to have gone there. It was there that I learned and discovered the person I've been striving to be all my life, and it was there that I understood the gospel and gained MY testimony. A day will never go by that I won't think about Nauvoo, and sure, there will be days of loneliness and sadness and i'll wish I were back in Nauvoo. But by simply remembering my Savior's love through deep prayer and sincere love to others, I won't lose anything. It's true, I thought for a moment that I had lost everything I learned in Nauvoo, but after a tender mercy of a prayer, I found everything again. He is amazing. The most High. Our Father watches out for us always. I wonder why sometimes we say, "Heavenly Father has been very aware of me lately." Because I know that He is very aware of us ALWAYS. Look at the trials you've faced, or the moments of triumph you've experienced. Those trials, have brought you to your triumphs. It's true! Everything works together becuase His plan is perfect and detailed for our eternal happiness.
These four months home have been the hardest four months of my personal life. There have been hard months of family strife, but this trial is all mine. And I've been learning that what I learned in Nauvoo, I must now learn here int he real world, on my own. In Nauvoo I was surrounded by the spirit, LITERALLY, and 19 other wonderful and powerful missionaries. Not forgetting the mission president, Elder and Sister Camp and Murset, the band missionaries and Elder and Sister Brague. And I was constantly aware of my Savior's hand and My Father's answers. Now, it is just me. I believe Heavenly Father has challenged my faith, becuase He knows I can be who I was there (around all of those remarkeable people), I can still be that person here, but I'm fully praying and following my Savior's light. The gospel is a hard thing to live, especialy when you expect so much out of yourself. But as long as we do our best, we are promised that blessings beyond measure will be added unto our lives. Those blessings are a desire to serve, and to love, and to work harder. I feel there is no greater blessing, than to have the blessing of desire to work harder, and be better. The more we do, the more we do! haha make sense?
He is always aware of me, but sometimes I forget, and He's okay with that, as long as we continue striving to remember Him, and follow Him, to be full of charity for others. Truly, the Savior is our #1 foundation. His love is more powerful than ANYTHING and anything imagined.
How wonderful is it that we have this knowledge and have the capacity to share it with the world?! I surely cannot wait to serve another mission one day, whether in a couple years, or a couple decades with my husband, I look forward to it so greatly!
I felt I had everything I ever needed in Nauvoo, but now I realize I learned everything I needed to earn there to take me on through life and continue learning and growing. I felt the happiest I have every imagined myself feeling in Navuoo. Even happier than that, I didn't know that sort of joy was possible! And what's even better? Is that when I get married, I feel more joy, and have children, MORE JOY, and grandchildren, MORE AND MORE JOY!

We cannot let the storms of life destroy our dreams of the future, even though after a beautiful blue sky, there may be a heavy, and terrifying storm, but if we live through it with FAITH, there's an unbelievable rainbow to follow, and perhaps a pot of gold if we wanna get real cheesy:)

Sunset sky on the Mississippi: Nauvoo, Illinois